Pokémon pot-pourri: Christmas aftermath edition

The news of the day is something no one needed to hear: Pokémon Bank has been closed down temporarily in Japan, and delayed in the rest of the world because of the absurd server load issues. Hello, Nintendo? It's POKÉMON we're talking about here. Are you so stupid you forgot to buy enough servers? Then again, it's the same thing any time an online-only game launches, and it seems all game companies utterly fail to learn from each other every single time. However, the rabbit hole of fucked-up goes much deeper here, because we're talking about a UTILITY PROGRAM, not a game. People want these 122 last Pokémon and they want them NOW NOW NOW, it seems. Either way, there's no telling how long the delay will be. It's okay, I can wait, I was busy with other games anyway. Besides, the fact that Bank was open for 24 hours instantly makes everything legal on Showdown, all the way to Sacred Fire Entei.

Speaking of that, I get a feeling people underestimate Sacred Fire as a whole. Sure, Entei is nowhere near Ho-Oh's league, but Ho-Oh is very comfortably in the top 10 in ubers, ahead of Pokémon you'd never think it would outrank. Rain being gone really, REALLY helps things, and so does the Defog buff, which makes it a deterrent to use entry hazards for both players. As for Sacred Fire itself... 50% burn rate. Many of the Pokémon that used to be able to beat Entei were physical Pokémon. These are just not safe anymore. I honestly think Sacred Fire is the best offensive move in the game for that reason. Unlike Flareon, Entei's physical movepool isn't totally nonexistent, with Stone Edge, Iron Head and the always excellent Extremespeed (the latter of which forces you to use an Adamant nature, so keep that in mind). Now I'm not saying Entei will be UU tomorrow or anything, but it's just impossible that it remains as far down the pecking order as it is right now.

Next up, a heads-up regarding a mechanic that many people seem to not know about, and nobody knows if it's a bug or a feature either: turn order is determined at the very beginning of a turn. Now this seems logical, but it turns out to have less than logical implications, being that if your speed or priority changes mid-turn, it will not take effect on that turn. I'm talking about mega evolution changing your base speed and potentially giving you Prankster (in Banette's case). A Pokémon whose base form is slower than the opponent, but whose mega evolution is faster will still go last on the turn it mega evolves for that reason, and Mega Banette's Prankster will only take effect on the following turn as well. Just pointing this out because I've seen people find this out on their own and they have no idea what's going on.

Finally, we have a new clause added to the standard ruleset on Smogon: Endless Battle Clause. It bans any set that's meant to draw a battle indefinitely. So far, the only combinations that can do that are Leppa Berry used in combination with Recycle and either Heal Pulse, Pain Split or Fling. As I mentioned before, these strategies are trash because of the sheer amount of counters, but it doesn't change the fact that if Slowbro (or Slowking, or Gardevoir, or Smeargle, or Blissey, or Mew, your pick) traps something that can't beat it, the battle WILL draw out until one of the two players ragequit. And that's not exactly my idea of a fun game, so despite the overall uselessness of the set, this is something I can get behind. Yes, even though it's a set of no less than three combo bans, which no one is terribly fond of. The weird part is, this set was entirely possible last gen, and it's only come to the forefront lately when GameFAQs goers found out about it and started melting each other.

However, as you might expect, like with every time they take a decision like this, there are people who will complain. Their excuse this time: Smogon hates stall. Sorry, but I have to call BS on that. This is not stall. It's drawing out a battle indefinitely. Stall is a tactic that, although it makes battles longer, is meant to eventually bring down the entire opposing team (yes, even in the not-so-fondly-remembered gen 2 days). Funbro does anything but that. If permanent hail was still a thing, I guarantee Stallrein wouldn't have been targeted, because it runs out of steam eventually. It takes a while, but it happens. This whole "Smogon hates stall" thing seems to comes from the fact that more often than not, offensive playstyles have been ruling the metagame since gen 3. I think it has nothing to do with any kind of bias against stall, but rather the fact that the way the game is designed is far more skewed towards offense, even moreso with the changes we've seen since gen 3, like the new EV system, natures, the physical/special split, and so on. Just look at all the Pokémon with a defensive stat with 150 or above. These are far more numerous, and yet far less threatening, than Pokémon with a comparable offensive stat. Pokémon that get suspect tested are almost always offensive powerhouses. Then you have to consider this: it wouldn't be the case had there been any real disdain for stall.

All these reasons are why I like the fact that Gamefreak nerfed most of the big special moves, though it would've been great if they did the same to the major physical moves. Fundamentally, Pokémon is about killing fast before you get killed fast, and it's even more true with mega evolutions now being a thing. I would really like it if there were dominant playstyles other than "sweep with mega" and "get swept by mega" (replace mega with weather in a gen 5 context). Can we make this happen? Please?

On the first day of Christmas, Gamefreak gave to me

A SACRED FIRE ENTEI!

I'm too lazy to browse all the Bank-only Pokémon on Serebii's Pokédex, especially since he hasn't updated many of them with level-up moves, but holy shit this is the best Christmas gift ever! It'd be amazing if Entei actually became usable now, especially since Flare Blitz didn't do THAT much for its cause. Sure, it was better than Fire Blast or Fire Fang, but Sacred Fire... DAMN. I was pretty sure it was going to stay a Ho-Oh-only thing for all eternity.

On the other hand, it's been confirmed that Gamefreak didn't hide the Fairy type on purpose on the Global Link for previous legendaries in order to not spoil a potential retcon. So much for that. Now we have a pixie trio that's not even Fairy-type. Crying shame, because they might've been worth using otherwise. Um, they get Dazzling Gleam? ...I guess?

Edit: The Magma Storm nerf (I guess the proper word would be rebalancing, what with the chip damage buff) that I mentioned a while ago is officially confirmed, however one thing we didn't know about was Techno Blast being buffed to 120 power. Will using the drives have a point now? Of course not, using the appropriate type-boosting item along with Thunderbolt, Ice Beam or Flamethrower isn't that much worse, and these items suck compared to the almighty Choice Scarf, as well as things like the Life Orb or Expert Belt.

In addition, Hold Back was officially confirmed as a complete clone of False Swipe. So... why not give Celebi False Swipe instead of wasting game code? I don't get it. Some people say that was common knowledge, but I call BS on that, because the only reason we even knew about it before the event announcement was because of random Metronome sightings that I can count on a single hand. Good luck extrapolating anything at all off of that.

Edit 2: A suggestion for everyone: if there's no rush for you to transfer your Pokémon, you might want to wait a few days before getting Pokémon Bank. I hear it's nearly impossible to get anything done because of the massive server load, and it's safe to assume the same will happen during the international release.

Science needs to be taught more in schools

Else we're going to end up with a lot more people like this, who see danger everywhere evil, evil science is involved when there is none. I'd be willing to bet actual money that this moron actually imagines that aluminium phosphate being part of a vaccine means you're actually getting injected with aluminium foil. And seriously, why the fuck is the vaccine-autism relationship even a thing? Autism finds its roots in the person's genetic makeup, it's something you're born with and have to deal with for the rest of your life, it's not something you catch.

Seriously, this kind of thing is why the teaching of science needs to be a lot more widespread than it is now. Otherwise you'll just get more and more parents who insist that vaccines are evil... among other things. More on that later. But I can safely say that some of the stuff I learned at university should be taught to everyone, not just people who decide to pursue one of a few specific bachelor's degrees. I'm talking high school here. Sure, it probably should be dumbed down a bit compared to a university course, but this really IS something that's more useful to know than something like trigonometry. I don't know how things are where you live, but here the only science you get to learn in high school falls in two categories: the absolute basics, and optional courses. (In our last year of high school, we get a choice between two sets of subjects: geography and history, or chemistry and physics. That's what I mean by "optional".) There's only one word to describe this: unacceptable.

A subject where rampant misinformation is even more widespread than the whole vaccine thing, for instance, is genetic engineering. Understandably so, because most people have no grasp of the inner workings of a living cell on a molecular level. That leaves a lot of room for people to start believing stuff that has no scientific basis whatsoever. For example, some people seem to believe in a misconception according to which eating genetically engineered food can alter their own genome. Of course that's not going to be the case, the DNA and proteins contained within your food are broken down during digestion, whether they've been altered or not. And just because you eat chicken doesn't make you any closer to becoming a chicken, right? So why should it be any different because some genes have been altered? Your genetic code doesn't merge with anything you eat, or isn't substituted, or anything. Your food is broken down into individual nucleotides and amino acids during the digestion process, which are then used to make human DNA and proteins according to your own genetic makeup, using your existing DNA as a template.

Science isn't out to get you. Genes that are added to crops with the purpose of killing pests that may try to eat them code for proteins that are designed to be ineffective in the human body. In one of my classes at university, we were given the example of a genetically enhanced crop that results in a protein that's capable of breaking down an insect's intestine, but because a human's intestine has a different pH, the protein takes a different shape that makes it totally harmless. This is why the popularity of organic food baffles me. Pesticides can potentially be dangerous for a human's health, I won't argue with that. On the other hand, genetic engineering is developed enough for any effects on humans to range from far more limited to nonexistent. Meanwhile, organic food is made using neither, so pests have free rein to eat whatever they want - and who knows what kinds of bacteria and disease they carry, and what you could potentially get. Keep in mind, that food can get expensive, and you get a product that definitely isn't of better quality than conventional food. In any other industry, this would be called "getting ripped off", but here it's considered "looking out for your health"... or rather, you think you're doing so.

No, the problem with GMOs isn't with the notion of genetic engineering itself, but the business practices of the companies that manufacture such products. EA keeps winning these "worst company" competitions, but that's only because they have a more direct impact on the customers. In fact, they look like philanthropists compared to the likes of Monsanto. Yes, I went there. I just said it. Google Monsanto if you don't believe me. This isn't something my education tried to hide from me, either - I had a course on ethics in science, and the subject of Monsanto did spring up a few times.

And the scary part? I basically knew nothing of this going into university. The fact that you need a bachelor's degree to understand such important stuff is not normal. This should be common knowledge, and yet it's as far from it as you can possibly get. Why? Is it considered propaganda? Then this is a perfect case of ignorance spawning more ignorance. Once again, unacceptable.

The Zelda fanbase does it again!

WAAH WAAH WAAH WE WANT A REAL ZELDA GAME NOT THIS BEAT-EM-UP CRAP. You know, because the last standard Zelda game came out SO LONG AGO. You already got a remake and a sequel this year, so stop whining, you self-entitled cretins. It's not like the Wii U Zelda game is getting canned in favor of this or anything.

Besides, wanna take bets on how it'll blow away all our expectations and be absolutely amazing? That's what Pokémon Conquest did, and if you're keeping track, both projects are handled by the exact same companies! (Remember, Nobunaga's Ambition and Samurai Warriors are closely related, and the latter is an offshoot of Dynasty Warriors. It's not impossible that there's a connection between both games, at least in business terms.)

Just when you thought YouTube had hit rock bottom

I'm sure we're all aware that there's been a pandemonium of unwarranted copyright notices on video game material lately. Well, the insurrection has reached such extremes that even the "legitimate" owners of the content are getting copyright notices! The designer and composer of VVVVVV (side question: how do you pronounce that?) got some on the game's gameplay and music respectively, in a now famous example of YouTube pushing things even further despite all common sense saying they shouldn't. You know that error message about "highly trained monkeys" we get every now and then? And how they think it's a joke or something? Well... they're right. It IS a joke. Clearly, no training was involved whatsoever, and they're eating their own poop and rubbing it all over their faces. But wait... it gets worse. Far, far worse. My favorite part is how these corporate buttholes can't even understand how someone would want to share his music freely. As if everyone created content solely to profit from it.

If you don't believe me when I say that if I was still LPing, it wouldn't be on YouTube, wow.

Pokémon pot-pourri

I'm sure you've all seen the news already, but allow me to repeat... FREE CELEBI WITH POKÉMON BANK. This is fortunate, because I don't think I have one of these. Just as notable is the fact that it comes with a move that was totally unheard of before: Hold Back, which is a False Swipe-like move. Its typing and power are still unknown, but considering that it's a completely different move, and one with a distribution of exactly one Pokémon, and a legendary on top of that, I would be surprised if it was an exact clone. Either way, this won't be changing anything competitively speaking. Anyway, as I just said, this is the first time we've ever heard of that move. This is where the complete lack of datamining either really stinks or really shines depending on your perspective, as it allows for unexpected surprises to crop up (and just imagine if we didn't know about the three event Pokémon...).

On another subject, Mega Kangaskhan has been under scrutiny by the Smogon higher-ups for a while (and understandably so), and as of this writing, surprisingly no decision has been taken. I mean, I don't think it's a very hard one to take. I have to say, this whole situation makes me sad, because Kangaskhan needed the help, and badly. So when it finally gets a chance to fight back, what does it get for its troubles? It gets banned to ubers. (At least it's a safe assumption to make.) Never has a Normal-type had such offensive presence since the heyday of Snorlax in gen 2. Too bad Parental Bond turned out to be overkill, with the baby hitting way harder than it has any right to. That's what I get for years and years of bashing baby Pokémon as being useless, I guess. Theorymon question time: would things have been different had added effects only occurred at the end of the attack rather than on each hit? (I'm looking at you, Power-Up Punch.)

(Edit: Just a few hours later, Mega Kangaskhan is gone. And if you're somehow against this, I strongly suggest you start playing gen 6, because clearly you haven't done so yet.)

And while higher-end battlers are looking at Mega Kangaskhan for some banning action, on the other end of the spectrum we have... Slowbro and Slowking? Yup. Scrubs the world over are getting destroyed by a set that should never be able to topple a skilled player. And when I say destroyed, I mean that there's a total lack of destruction going on. The idea is this: put a Leppa Berry on an Oblivious Slowbro/king, send it in on something it can beat, use Block on it, then start spamming Slack Off every turn. The Leppa berry will be consumed when PP gets low, at which point you use Recycle then resume spamming Slack Off. Repeat repeat repeat. Then, when the opponent starts using Struggle, that's when you give him a huge slap in the face by using Heal Pulse every other turn, which will keep your opponent alive and unable to switch indefintely. Cue ragequit.

At least that's on principle. Unfortunately, just like FEAR and Prankster Copycat Riolu, this is a cheesy set that has the potential to claim wins over lesser adversaries, but any savvy opponent will have (and won't hesitate to use) one of the many counters to this strategy. Since we're not talking about a trapping ability, which activates automatically, the opponent has one turn to switch into his counter of choice. Setup sweepers are the best, as this set is complete and utter setup bait, and this can often outright mean the end of the game in favor of the so-called "victim". Toxic also effectively means an outright kill, since the set relies on staying in for prolonged periods of time, and after a few turns the poison damage combined with what the opponent can put out in terms of damage will offset Slack Off, then kill Slowbro/king outright. Knock Off, Volt Switch and U-Turn, all of which they're weak to, also screws up things greatly, as do phazing moves. Anything that can deal more damage in a turn than Slack Off heals works as well, as long as it has enough PP to eventually get the kill (Slowbro is, after all, bulky, but not indestructible). Taunt is, however, ineffective, since Oblivious now grants an immunity to it. Yep, a reason why you might not want to run Regenerator, imagine that. This is one of the two reasons why the set is more effective than last gen (where it was still possible, mind you), the other being that since criticals are weaker, a timely one is far less likely to kill you unexpectedly.

This set has two funny things going for it. First, the set's name is "Funbro", despite it presumably not being fun for anybody, even the user. Second, while certain communities have been panicking over it lately, if you try looking it up on Smogon, you will find find nothing but radio silence. Furthermore, it's a set that's clearly been known for some time, as Block, Recycle and the Leppa Berry were all used enough to show up on the stats last month - near the bottom, of course. That's not the case for Heal Pulse, though, which suggests even they use it to wipe out a specific threat rather than induce ragequits. But my point is, if it had any effectiveness whatsoever, it would've spread like wildfire. It hasn't. So this is yet another set that uses wacky interactions between moves to get something interesting out of them, but ultimately falls flat on its face.

Donate Odolwa for typhoon Haiyan relief!

Just another reminder (if the banner up top wasn't enough) that TheSpeedGamers' sorta-kinda-semi-annual-or-something-close-to-that Zelda marathon is getting underway on Friday at 7 PM Eastern, 6 PM Central, 4 PM Pacific, midnight standard time, etc., and will last the standard 72 hours. This time money is being raised for Mercy Corps, who's helping the victims of typhoon Haiyan, which devastated the Philippines last month. The goal this time is $15000, and as usual every cent of what's collected goes to the charity. And if Mercy Corps' claim that only 12% of their funds go to administration is accurate... well, I guess there's no guilt in giving to them, right? So if you got some money to spare in the middle of all those Christmas gifts you have to buy, you can let Knarf donate everything anyway, you won't make a difference compared to him definitely give it to those for whom the holidays are just about the last thing on their minds because every dollar counts!

Is Serebii hiding more secrets?

Magma Storm is a move that's exclusive to Heatran, and as such we can't use it yet in X/Y, however Serebii already has a page for it, despite it not showing up in the Attackdex's drop-down lists, much like with legendary-exclusive moves not called Psystrike, Geomancy, Oblivion Wing or Land's Wrath. Where it gets really interesting, however, is that he lists Magma Storm as now having 100 power instead of 120. This makes sense, considering pseudo-trapping moves got their chip damage doubled this generation, but... how does he know that? The same way he knew about Diancie, Volcanion and Hoopa and had location pages for them even before the hacker found them, most likely. This is something we'll have to keep an eye on once Pokémon Bank comes out. (Oddly enough, Psycho Boost is listed as still having 140 power, whereas Leaf Storm, Overheat and Draco Meteor are now down to 130.)

On a different yet related subject, how do pseudo-trapping moves fare now that their chip damage has been doubled? Well... Goodra actually uses Infestation on rare occasions, but that's it, really. So nothing changed on that front, and they're just as unused as ever.

Guess I'm not in Bettman's target demographic

Am I the only one who's bored out of his skull when a fight breaks out during a hockey game? I mean seriously, if I wanted to see two dudes beating the shit out of each other, I'd watch boxing or MMA, and to no one's surprise I'm not a big fan of either.

CAN'T TOUCH THIS

The achievement of the same name in Sonic Generations? Surprisingly overrated. If someone like me can do it, there's no reason why you can't. My successful run was incredibly tense, not just because I had to stay perfect the whole way through, but more importantly because a few HOMING SHOTS nailed me right in the noggin as I was inside the Time Eater's core for the second hit. I think I might've wrecked something had I been screwed out of the achievement because of that. But I didn't, and thus I successfully 100%ed the game. Nowhere near as insanely hard as Sonic Adventure 2, but 100% is 100%.

My big complaint with the fight (aside from the supporting cast NEVER SHUTTING THE HELL UP) is that the whole gimmick of the two Sonics fighting together is utterly wasted. It's always better to stay with Modern Sonic the whole way through, except for the laser attack that immediately follows the first time time gets slowed (probably the best tip I could give anyone going for the achievement). Highly unfortunate that Classic Sonic is wasted like this, couldn't they have come up with more reasons for switching?

But overall, amazing game. I don't think they could've pulled off what they were going for any better. Their recreations of old stages was masterfully done - making brand new stages that look like the old ones, but throwing in some chunks of them anyway. It's awesome how they make you go "hey, I know this". And I'm not just talking about the more memorable moments like running down that building in Speed Highway or the crumbling spiral pathway from Sky Sanctuary, but even minor bits like that staircase in City Escape act 2 right before the truck chase. Best Sonic game? I dunno, I'm a total sucker for S3&K and Colors, but they definitely don't outclass it either. Maybe the best way to decide is to give it, well, time.

What the HELL did I just watch?

This is the most awesomely random thing I've seen in a really long time.

If it's broke, don't fix it

As I mentioned before, I'm playing through Sonic Generations for the first time, and yesterday I had a go at the most elusive achievement on the PC version: Time Attacker. For those not in the know, to get it you simply have to complete every stage once in the Ranking Attack mode - which essentially means infinite time and infinite lives. Should be a piece of cake, right? Well... for PS3 and 360 players it is. Too bad Ranking Attack is a broken mess on PC (which, remember, is a straight port of the 360 version), with random crashes that range from "every now and then" to "all the fucking time".

I experienced one such crash after completing Sky Sanctuary act 1, and after that whenever I'd enter the Ranking Attack menu the game would crash the moment I pressed any button (meaning I couldn't play any level at all). In desperation I turned to Google to see if there was a way around... and fortunately there was. You simply have to select 30-Second Trial, then mess around at the level selection screen a bit, then go back, then choose Ranking Attack, and you should be good to go. My first reaction was, HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS EVEN WORK? If anyone has any notions of programming, please explain this to me, because it makes absolutely no sense. Then I decided, screw it, I'll try it anyway, it can't hurt, and I was able to play the rest of the stages this way. Only problem: I could not so much as go over Sky Sanctuary act 1 on the menu, otherwise the game would crash. So this particular stage is apparently forever off-limits in Ranking Attack for me. Not that it matters, all I cared about was the achievement, and I got it.

As I said before, this is the rarest achievement on the PC version due to these crashing shenanigans. Even less people have it than the apparently impossible (I say apparently because I'm not that far into the game) no-hit Time Eater fight. So apparently my ability to use Google to my advantage makes me a Sonic Generations master. Funny how that works. Also funny how Sega never ever cared to fix that broken mess. It's like they just said, "let's rush a PC version, it'll keep the so-called master race happy".

Showdown November stats are up!

Rightchere if you're interested. Since these are for the full month, and the "it's new, gotta use!" appeal is fading, these are a lot more representative... though I guess they're still quite volatile, we're only two months in after all. Once again, the focus will be on the Pokébank ladders, for obvious reasons. A few thoughts in bullet points, and behind a jump since I anticipate there will be a lot of them:

Sonic Generations: by furries, for furries

What.

THE.

FUCK.