Friday, May 22, 2015

I'm no PC guy, but...

I'm gaining newfound appreciation for the stuff you can do on PC but not on console. Stuff like skipping the neverending startup screen for Arkham Origins. In case you don't know how bad it is, you reach the title screen 40 seconds after launching the game. FORTY SECONDS! This is just maddening, I just want to play the game, not see who made it over and over! I could understand if they forced you through it the first time you started the game, but every single time? Fuck that, there's a way to bypass this crap... but only on PC. PS3 and 360 players are shit out of luck.

Now don't get me wrong, I have the same vitriol towards the "master race" as I do towards console fanboys, but when it comes to stuff like that they kinda have a point.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Pokémon MD4 will soon be a thing.

Will it be what MD3 wishes it could be, or what it actually ended up being? Any bets?

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Bravely Second's Chariot: what's the catch?

Before the game's (Japanese) release, we were treated to a sneak peek at the new Chariot job, which has the fancy ability to equip weapons on its helmet and armor slots. But the real treat, as it turns out, lies elsewhere. The recurring FF ability Throw, oddly absent from Bravely Default, returns here, but with a tweak. It deals considerable amounts of damage, as expected, but the real kicker is that you recover the weapons you threw after battle! Furthermore, if you don't want to wait and want your stuff back NOW, you can recover it right away for a measly 8 MP. Throw's drawback has always been that you lost whatever you threw for good, but you did considerable damage in return.

So unless I'm missing something, Bravely Second allows you to have your cake and eat it too. Throw deals seven times the damage of a normal attack and pierces defense, and there's a variant called Disorder that throws one weapon at each enemy to deal four times the normal damage and pierces defense. Those... are HUGE numbers, to say the least. I'd even go as far as to say that, at least on paper, it's even better than the first game's Dark Knight, the supreme gamebreaker that was absolutely obliterated in the sequel due to the loss of sword magic.

So, am I missing something here? Any ideas?

You laugh, you lose: Chris-Chan circa 2015 (NSFW)

(Yeah, you know shit's bad when I of all people tag something as NSFW.)

You know what they say, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. That last paragraph there needs a bit of context: he's been frequenting the local gay bar in recent days, and handing out attraction business cards of sorts (because his arms are so atrophied a full-fledged sign like in the old days must weigh five, if not ten doghouses). He allegedly friended other regulars on Facebook, and a few of them unfriended him at the speed of light when they saw he was pulling that kind of creepy shenanigans. Their loss. I mean, look at how much of an irresistible bombshell he is!

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Worst missable ever in a game?

Since the subject popped up on this blog last week. (Missables caused by glitches don't count, in the interest of fairness, so that leaves out the Deku Nut upgrade from some releases of OoT, for example.)

My vote goes to the Ing Webtrap scan from Metroid Prime 2. Would you believe some people use the "the camera zooms in on it, so you should know to scan it" excuse? Bullshit. In every single Metroid Prime game, any instance of you being locked in a room to fight enemies is done by a standard locked door... EXCEPT this one. Now the big problem is that while such missable scans are fairly common in those games, this one happens in the heat of the action. You have to remember to take a few seconds of your time to just take those hits from the Ing that are relentlessly attacking you just to scan the thing. Most other missables, like the Lightbringers and Weblings in the same Dark Agon area, are located in places where you're in full-on exploration mode, so you're less likely to forget to scan them. The Ing Webtrap, on the other hand? Nope, you're too busy fighting. Fuck this thing.

Monday, May 18, 2015

It was only a matter of time

Next suspect test: Landorus-I. Not a surprise at all. 115 special attack, 101 speed, acceptable bulk and freaking Sheer Force as an ability. Its only weakness is its useless secondary offensive typing, really. It was banned pretty quickly last gen once it got Sheer Force, and I'm expecting the same to happen here.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

The bridge over a river of gamers' tears

I got started with Arkham Origins not that long ago, and still haven't done the first main mission after leaving the Batcave near the beginning (because there's a crapton of side stuff you can do then, and you know how much I love me some sidequesting). And when they say this game lacks polish, they mean it. It's not terrible (at least not yet), but the problem is indeed that Arkham City exists.

But here's the dumbest thing I've seen in a game in quite a while. Let me try and make it understandable for those of you who have never played it. There are four sets of 15 optional challenges that you can do, and they give you upgrades, achievements, etc. once you progress far enough in each set. The 15th and final challenge in one of these sets involves stopping randomly spawning crimes in each of the game's nine districts. The problem is, it only starts counting once you've completed challenge 14, as you HAVE to do the challenges in order. One of the districts involved is the Gotham Pioneers Bridge, where one crime happens as a kind of pseudo-tutorial very early on. However, this is the ONLY crime that will ever happen in the area, and it's entirely impossible to have already done the first 14 challenges by that point. See where I'm going with this? By the time you reach challenge 15, no more crimes will ever happen in one of the nine districts (that being the bridge), which makes this challenge impossible in a single playthrough. You need to take care of the tutorial in New Game+ to get it. But that's horrible design, things like this should ALWAYS be doable in a single playthrough!

But wait, it gets worse. There are two ways you can bypass this stupid restriction and get this challenge on your first playthrough. One is to stop a crime elsewhere and hope a bug is triggered that makes it count as a crime that happened on the bridge. (Yes, there's actually such a bug. Holy crap. Gotta be how the testers did it, and they figured nothing needed to be changed.) The other is to go to the nearby Sheldon Park district, and when a crime spawns there kill all but one guy, start running towards the bridge, then when the game considers you're in the bridge area, kill the last guy there. And IT WORKS. I did mention this game lacked polish, right?

(On the flipside, you can fling enemies to the moon with a multi takedown if the physics engine feels like it, which is to say rather often. Can't do that in Arkham City, no siree!)